Tremble
by PetPetAngel
Summary: His first vision had made him tremble, as did the thought of his last. Fredrick Abberline was very, very, afraid.


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Tremble

Written by:

PetPetAngel

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Fredrick Abberline felt himself trembling violently. He tried to stop it – tried to stop the shaking, the shuddering and the shivering, but nothing quite did the trick. He heard his mother talking to him, trying to calm him down, but not even her soothing, lovely voice couldn't stop the tremors that wracked his body.

He felt as if he were in a daze, in a fog, lost, confused, and so cold. Why was it so cold? Why was it that he felt frigid air blowing against his back – hitting him at all sides, and yet he knew he was tucked safely and warmly in bed? How could that be? Was there some sort of horrendous draft?

Fredrick Abberline felt afraid.

At the tender age of four, he wasn't afraid to admit it, either. He was terrified of the darkness around him and how it was unlike anything else he had ever experienced in his entire, short, life.

Everything always felt longer when you were younger, and to Fredrick Abberline, the cold felt positively endless. There was no limit to the darkness that was all around him, no limit whatsoever – it had free roam around him, and it was covering his eyes and when he opened them again….

The sight was different.

He was no longer in his bed, tucked away warmly, carefully and lovingly under the blankets, but in a frigid winter where there was a home decimated. But, he thought confusedly, that's our home. Our home isn't, wasn't burned down. It wasn't lit aflame and the land around it was definitely not charred. It was dirty, yes, but certainly not charred.

He started at the roads dazedly, then looked to his left and to his right. Police and inspectors were there, searching the place from top to bottom in search of something. .He stumbled over to one of the officers and tugged on his sleeve.

Or tried to, at least.

Fred tried again and failed to successfully pull on the man's sleeve. His hand continuously went through the fabric, and Fredrick took a step back in surprise. Biting his lip, he felt tears come to his eyes as he desperately called for the man's attention, but the man never even spared him a glance.

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"Fredrick! Fredrick, please, your mother begs you to wake up…" Fredrick Abberline felt his mother shaking his shoulders roughly, and as he creaked his eyes open and let out a groan, his mother pulled him tightly to her chest.

Normally the act would fluster him, but Fredrick didn't have time to feel flustered. The myriad of emotions already mixing in his mind were plenty for him to deal with. Plenty.

Mumbling incoherently, Fredrick felt his head loll back and forth as though he were in a state of unconsciousness. He felt as though he couldn't move, as though a terrible sickness had seized him and was winning the fight for his life – and he was losing it. It was like an out of body experience and it was absolutely terrifying.

And apparently he had chosen to speak out on the last way he was feeling – for when he next became away his mother was talking to him about some terrible screaming. And as Fredrick opened his eyes, he truly felt as though he was opening them for the first time. He felt fear and wonder and horror and dread and yet that wonder was so overpowering that it was impossible not to state its current presence twice.

Fredrick Abberline was eight years old and cursing God for it.

He had that terrible feeling of loneliness that came with each – what was the word…. Revelation would have to do. Every time he had a new vision, that feeling of loneliness would engulf him so completely he had to wonder how he could possibly ever manage to get out. Sometimes it took him until a little while after to get over the initial shock.

They were visions. That's what they were. Everything was becoming real – everything that he had 'imagined' or 'dreamed' was becoming reality and it's was shocking and disturbing. It was scary and even as the years passed, Fredrick Abberline never _truly_ got used to the situation. It was too bizarre for his tastes, but he supposed he'd have to live with it.

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When Fredrick Abberline laid down on the couch, he knew it would be his last vision. It would be his last vision of loneliness, of happiness, of emptiness. He'd hoped for a peaceful last vision, but if he couldn't get that, that was okay too. Not that it would matter. Soon, so very soon, he would be reunited with his Mary Kelly.

He had tried doing it before – giving him a self-induced vision, and it had worked. It had worked so incredibly well that once, after forcing himself into it, Fredrick Abberline felt rather like he couldn't get _out_ of it.

He had induced the visions to help him solve the case – but it hadn't mattered. He had dreamed of Mary Kelly's death but it meant nothing in the end. She was still away from him and they were now separated in a way that not even physical or mental boundaries could match. It was a great foe indeed.

This foe was mortality.

Mortality, weakness, feeling had made Mary Kelly's passing all the harder for him. It had made him terribly ill-hearted and with a bitter soul. And even a he got revenge, even as he avenged her, it was all in vain.

Sometimes, Fredrick Abberline truly wished with all his heart that the visions had never come on that fateful night when he was at the tender age of four. He wished that fate had left him his destiny and left it at that - he could find out on his own what was in store for the future, in the same as everyone else, that was – when the future became the present.

Fredrick Abberline didn't want sneak peaks of the future, because they never did him any good. A bad vision left him with a feeling of dread that seemed to permanently lodge itself into his stomach. A good vision and he got his hopes up – high, high, and when things fell short of their mark the disappointment was twice as bitter.

And then there was all the terrible things you saw – things that were so hard to deal with as a child and even disruptive as an adult. Visions might've been one of the few things in Fredrick Abberline's life that he truly wished was 'just a phase.'

But the visions didn't stop, and that brought the child – once with great hopes of a great and prosperous future – to his knees and hoping that he would never wake up. Fredrick Abberline trembled as he took the necessary steps in creating the vision – the perfect setup to welcome it into his mind. His mind was clear – free, and with a trembling body, Fredrick Abberline laid down.

This would be his last vision and he'd never wake up from it.


End file.
